Finding your sexual match can be a daunting affair. One woman who wasn’t willing to search any longer, and the man she hired to help her explore her sexuality, talk frankly about how this unconventional relationship works for them.
This article is an interview from the magazine NOTEBOOK, published August 2009.
“Women are looking for intimacy – someone they can communicate with, who knows how to handle women, and someone who knows how to be sensitive. In my experience, they want someone who’s not the typical Aussie male stereo type.
“Women come to me for a lot of different reasons. Some are sick of playing games, or don’t want to go to bars to meet people. Others have tried internet dating and discovered online profiles don’t match the reality. Recently I’m finding there are a lot women in their early thirties who are married and not getting what they want sexually from their partner. Some have their partner’s okay to come to me, and others go behind their back. I generally get about two or three new enquiries a week and see one client a week.
“With some clients in particular it’s almost a life-coaching thing. They want to gain more experience; they want to explore certain things and can’t find anyone else to explore them with safely.
There is a lot of education about what I do because I care about sexuality. I’m very open – you can say whatever you want to me and I’ll try anything.
“Before I meet a client I usually talk to them about three or four times. It’s because they feel uneasy, but women are like that; they’re generally driven from their hearts, whereas men are driven by their genitals. Women are a lot different in that they need to develop trust.
“In that respect I’m not like a female sex worker – you know, ‘I’m here, your time starts now; go for it.’ My service is not like that. I spend more time with them and talk with them during the week if they feel like talking to me. Often I have text relationships with them as well, and they book me periodically. Sometimes I just go out for a drink with them because the relationship has grown to that degree.
“I believe in giving people the tools to take into new relationships so when they do find someone, they don’t repeat certain behaviours or patterns they have in the past. There’s a lot of follow up for me. We call it ‘after care’. It’s a lot like basic therapy. I’ll call them after a session and that’s important to me because it gives me time to debrief them as they’re often going through a lot of changes and I’m really careful with that.”
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